Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Oscar the Grouch

When I was growing up,  my parents made the decision NOT to have a t.v. in the house.   I don't ever remember thinking it was strange or feeling left out.  I am sure at times I did,  but it obviously didn't leave least I haven't discussed it with my therapist...yet!!

 One show we did see occasionally was Sesame Street...and I LOVED Oscar the Grouch.  My granddaddy's name was Oscar...but I don't think he was a grouch...I just liked the name connection and the character of Oscar.  I was fascinated with his trash can little on the outside, but full of treasure on the inside.  And he was NEVER happy...

That's me.  I have felt very GROUCHY the last few months.   I have struggled to find the joy in life...the little things that I should smile about...the laugh of my 7 yr old,  the hug of my 13 yr old son (I should rejoice...I KNOW!!),   my 16 yr old fixing my fake coffee,  my 10 year old playing her psaltry.   But I have been so weighted down with life that the little things that SHOULD  matter I overlook, and the little things that SHOULDN'T matter, (like messy counters or rooms not picked up) do.  I guess all the months of stress  have made me want calm and order and things done the way they should be (or at least the way I THINK they should)....and I live in house with those four plus a husband who is having to work 2 jobs.   ( You may begin playing the violin music...but I need wine and cheese first, please!!)

I don't want to live like this...I don't want my kids clamoring to find adventure out there...another woman or man who smiles and says nice things to them...I want that to be ME!  I want to wake up with a quirky song in my heart and on my lips...not reminders of chores not done.   I want to take adventures to parks,  glamping (he he) or fishing...not mowing lawns,  feeding chickens, and disciplining yet another child.  (These are all important but should not be ALL IMPORTANT!)  I want to notice these little things and thank my kids. 

I want my 16 to want to shop with I guess I should take her shopping
I want my 13 to still want to talk to me about EVERYTHING! I should go fishing and listen.
I want my 10 year old to share her thoughts on her favorite I should read the book and take her to Starbucks for coffee and laugh or cry with her.
I want to my littlest one too remember a fun, happy momma who wasn't so worried about the floor of her room, but who loved her spontaneity or joy of life...and to share those moments with her.

Sooooo......I am looking for ways to bring these things in.   That means not having as clean a floor as I would like,  not picking up ALL  the stuff I want picked up.  Maybe having an extra load or two of clothes to do because we were having so much fun somewhere else on laundry day.  Maybe making more crock pot meals and worrying less about ACT scores and college.   I am not sure what it will look like...but I want to strive for something.  YOU know the old saying,  if you don't aim for something,  you won't hit anything.  (I think that's it...let me know if it's not...I tend to mix sayings around to suit my thoughts!!) 

This has been a little heavy,  but I needed to write it out...accountability for myself I guess.  Wait until you see what has been going on at our house.  Here is a sneak peek at tomorrow's post. 

thanks for reading,